T.F.T.O.D Texts From That One Day

Jumping in a series of texts, which began as friendly until the person I was going to meet up with and have a drink left me with a group of guys I didn’t know-at a house with no power-while having a bonfire-and smashing cans-trying to spell F-U-C-K with them on the front lawn.

Me: Dick

Him: What don’t be mean, I need to watch basketball

Me: You’re dead to me

Him: I’ll literally die if you say that again

Me: Fine. I’m not sitting around a fire with a bunch of hicks…I am a stray cat. You owe me.

Him: I’ll dance any time you please

Me: Tonight. Done.

Him: Fuck

Me: You’re the one that said it

Him: I’ll dance with you any time you please. Non-retractable offer

Me: Yes!!

Him: I know. I’ve heard that’s worth more than its weight in gold.

Me: You’re still a dick

(Here’s where the conversation goes south…)

Him: I want to build you a house on top of a mountain. How many guys do you know that could do that.

Me: 1

Him: Really, fuck that guy, what is he working with, Lincoln Logs?

Me: I love Lincoln Logs. More than legos

Him: I’m a monster. I deserve to be burned in a Lincoln Log house

Me: Lincoln Log your ass to 122

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