Jumping in a series of texts, which began as friendly until the person I was going to meet up with and have a drink left me with a group of guys I didn’t know-at a house with no power-while having a bonfire-and smashing cans-trying to spell F-U-C-K with them on the front lawn.
Him: What don’t be mean, I need to watch basketball
Me: You’re dead to me
Him: I’ll literally die if you say that again
Me: Fine. I’m not sitting around a fire with a bunch of hicks…I am a stray cat. You owe me.
Him: I’ll dance any time you please
Me: Tonight. Done.
Me: You’re the one that said it
Him: I’ll dance with you any time you please. Non-retractable offer
Him: I know. I’ve heard that’s worth more than its weight in gold.
Me: You’re still a dick
(Here’s where the conversation goes south…)
Him: I want to build you a house on top of a mountain. How many guys do you know that could do that.
Him: Really, fuck that guy, what is he working with, Lincoln Logs?
Me: I love Lincoln Logs. More than legos
Him: I’m a monster. I deserve to be burned in a Lincoln Log house
Me: Lincoln Log your ass to 122