Purple Tranny Pinky Nail

Note before this post: Blogging with a fellow blogger when we both have funny shit to share on the internet, and we both find each other entertaining, is just about near to impossible. Oh, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is on “The Gang Gets Racist”…fuck.

My grandparents have a cabin on the Oregon coast, and every year or so we have a family reunion if you will. The parents start drinking ‘round 11am, we have bonfires, dabble in catch phrase, and take the Christmas photo at the beach.

One particular year we had the whole fam jam plus family friends at the cabin, and with the weather being typical coast weather, unpredictable as shit, we were stuck inside during a rain storm. My grandparents ordered pizza and we played board games, the kinda stuff you do when you’re stuck inside a cabin on a family trip.

Also, to note, I was fourteen on this trip with braces to boot.

The pizzas were picked up from Rudy’s. Rudy is the town’s transvestite; he/she owns her/his own little pizza joint in this itty-bitty town. There were pizzas to satisfy all requests, meat lovers, cheese, veggie, pepperoni, etc. I myself grabbed a slice of veggie, and it honestly wasn’t bad, until “The Moment”.

For everyone who has had braces you know the process of fishing out the second meal. I have never been proper around family, so sticking my finger towards my bracket to retrieve a stuck pepper wasn’t an issue. But what I pulled out was nothing close to a pepper, or mushroom, olive, or anything that you’d find on a veggie pizza.

NOPE, what I pulled out of my mouth was a purple, tranny nail, definitely a pinky faux nail, chipped at the top. I’ve had some bizarre looks thrown my way, but the way my parents, and cousins stared at me as I continued to yell “What is this?!” my grandma tried to rationalize it, grabbing the fake nail to rinse it off and investigate. But no amount of soap and hot water will change the fact that for a brief moment I had a Rudy’s purple nail stuck in my mouth.

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