Tag Archives: family

NAKED GRANDMA!

No. My grandmother was not naked in any form while visiting the Northwest. But her visit did remind me of one of my all time favorite clips. Enjoy!

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For Better or For Worse

About two weeks ago my grandpa slipped on the stairs entering his house in Minnesota. It was one small slip that has changed my whole family’s life. He broke his neck, and when being moved from the Intensive Care Unit, choked on his own mucus causing him to go into cardiac arrest. We take for granted the simple things; being able to stand, sit, talk, squeeze our hands into a fist, eat, shower, swallow. All of these things my grandpa cannot do without help.

It runs in our family’s blood to be stubborn and hard-headed, and my grandfather despite not being able to talk, still manages to talk over my grandma, and mouth a few of his favorite words: Fuck, Bullshit, and Asshole.

He has what they call a “halo” screwed into his head to keep his neck in place, and even though he says is not painful, how can something bolted into your skull be pleasant?

My grandma is one of the strongest women I know, I don’t know how in the hell she doesn’t cry every time her husband looks at her and begs her to bust him out of the hospital. He doesn’t understand he has to be there for so long, he doesn’t want photos on the wall. He wants it to feel temporary. She’s able to understand about 30% of what he says which only adds fuel to the frustration on both sides.

He developed a way to “call” my grandma and me to his side by making kissing noises and sounds only described as ways to giddy up a horse. We walk over and he mouths, “take my hands.” So we take his hands, “now get me the fuck out of here.” My grandma looks at me “oh lordy,” and turns to him, “Dave, you need to stay here,” he looks at her, “bullshit,” he mouths, and she laughs with no answer. My grandpa looks at me to try, “come on Jane, get me the fuck out of here,” I look at him and shake my head, “grandpa, if I could steal you away I would.”

I am so grateful to have him still in my life, and to know that even though he’s going through hell he can still swear like a sailor. My grandma and grandpa will be going on their 49th wedding anniversary this summer. They have been each other’s best friends for almost half a century. Their lives revolve around each other, she told me when I first got to Minnesota, “You know, it’s been a lot of years for the better, we’re now in it for the worse.”

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Did Kinect Just Connect My Family?

The title tells all. This Christmas I found myself shaking my booty and tapping my feet alongside my father. We tag teamed a raft challenge, flew around in a spaceship and popped bubbles, and jumped like maniacs to gain speed on a roller coaster. We even hi-fived and recorded a victory dance. Okay, there was one snafu. My dad and I were really getting into this one roller coaster race; we were trying to beat the clock, but were both under the impression that it was a race to beat the other. One lunge and a high jump later my dad ate it on the couch behind us, my response? A panting, “suck it, dad,” as I crossed the finish line only to find myself waiting for him to complete the “mission”. I can’t remember the last time I soberly committed to a victory dance with him that was non-football related, and better yet- the goddamn Kinect takes photos for us with added captions like “Gettin’ Low!” and “The Twin Jump!”

So while my father and I indulged in our competitive nature, my mother and sister sat fixated on the couch. Why? Because we looked like buffoons waving at nothing, stomping our feet, spitting and swearing at our Kinect Avatars. Gotta love the evolution of family bonding.

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My Lovely Fried Turkey Family

A few photos from the 2010 Baumgartner & Purinton Thanksgiving…

One of two turkeys we fried up in our backyard for the feast for 18 family and friends.

All in all, this year’s Thanksgiving was pleasant, with plenty of food, wine, friends, family, and card games all around. One story I wanted to share before diving into these photos was a comment my Grandma made while making a pit stop at the Kid’s Table. My grandma is one of the hardest working women I know, and will swear when appropriate, but can sometimes be oblivious, as grandmothers might be, to the things that she says. So, we are all sitting there, a turkey glaze in our eyes playing the penis game (you start saying penis and each time saying ‘PENIS’ louder than the next, a pointless game that I shouldn’t play as a twenty-two year old, but whatever) My grandma pops a squat next to me and says, “Oh boy guys, I am back on the turkey.” We all turn to her, “what do you mean grandma?” My sister asks giggling. “Honey, I am having seconds of turkey, I just can’t get enough of it!” We all laugh along, my grandma yawns, and goes beyond loving turkey, “girls, I gotta tell you, I just love dark meat.” Okay, it’s so inappropriate to find this humorous, but I couldn’t stop laughing, as my grandmother was still oblivious to her unintentional sexual reference. “That dark meet, I’ll tell ya,” she continues, “once you have some of that, the white meat just doesn’t compare.” (Insert tears I am laughing so hard.) She is still out of the loop but sits there, sighs a bit longer, strokes the table a few times and leaves to retire to the bedroom with this comment, “I just love this soft wood.” Will somebody PLEASE tell me what she might have been on aside the meat train?!

Dad raising Ye Olde Turkey.

SPOTTED: The Gang waits for the turkey.

 

Proving that I was an idiot and ran outside barefoot to take pictures of the raising of the turkey!

This just about sums up the brother – sister bond.

My dad and my sister’s boyfriend, Sam, showed some forced but adorable love.

My Grandma and my sister posing for a photo while baking rolls and pies.

Sally, Sam, and Jacob, kickin’ it at the Kid’s table.

Sally and Sam! Both got sick of my camera, deal with it.

Influenced by their crazy aunt, my mother, my Uncle John got whip-creamed post dinner.

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